Sunday, 23 June 2013

We need to talk about Gwyneth and jealousy while we are at it.

I thought I'd write about this after the media hype died down a bit because things can get flared in the heat of the moment. 

Gwyneth was recently voted 10 most hated celebrities in a poll by Star Magazine and even topped Chris Brown to #1! 


 Very soon after she was voted by People Magazine as  the Most Beautiful Woman in the world.  


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Personally I thought both titles were quite over the top but depending on your personal opinion of her one or both of them could be true!

But I didn't understand the outrage from the numerous bloggers that wrote in her defense from being voted most hated. 

Via
The lighter, superficial prism of celebrity/fashion life liberally and creatively uses words.  It is -est, -issimo, and as Rachel Zoe says beyond.  But we don't quibble with her saying that beyond is actually a preposition and not an adjective therefore not appropriate 
to describe a jacket and only just qualifies to describe
 the fourth dimension.


So when someone says they hate someone, 
it is the same as when someone says that they are absolutely in love with James Dean.  
Via
Come on people, how can you be in love with a dead gay guy you never met?  But most of us understand the gist.


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It is a modern figure of speech and since when did people who are engaged in the celebrity world become all Johnnie Cochran and start disputing and elucidating the usage of the word hate
I don't like the word myself but there are other things to get into an uproar about...Those same people rarely mention the affairs of Syria or Turkey for example.

Funny enough, the opinion you hold of her is almost irrelevant.   
We all are going to have different impressions of her.  
That's what makes things interesting. 
Imagine if we all agreed on everything, 
we'd have nothing to talk about.

Via
I love chocolate! 
Me too! 
Pause


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I love peonies! 
Me too!
Pause


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I love Gwyneth! 
Huh? 
(Proper conversation takes place.)

But the fall out for me was the usual prescriptive editorials on the opinions women have of her. 

 
In fact, the editorials were just as infuriating as Samantha Brick's comments.

The most common and infuriating one was that if you didn't like her you were automatically jealous of her.

Gawwwd. 
I am sooo friggin' bored of that standard reflex excuse.

Why is it that when one woman doesn't like another woman, 
we are assumed to be jealous?
Don't get me wrong, I am no spring chicken so I do know that jealousy exists.  But guess what, sometimes you just don't like someone.  

It is a visceral science that is still in the amoebic stages and it has only just come up with the pheromone theory of attraction.  


Via
Pepe le Pew didn't get women with his subtlety nor his accent.
It was his skunk spray pheromones.

But when we don't like a male superstar no one says that we are jealous of them.   A lot of things can be misconstrued but this is a woman who has publicly called her grandmother the c word.
So it is odd that people are dismayed at the dive of her star power.

My Photo
Via The Sulky Kitten blog
But I think the piece that Sulky Kitten wrote about Gwyneth Paltrow displays what people find annoying about her and you should read if you haven't already whether you are or aren't a fan of hers.  
It is absolutely hilarious!

 But most times the science of liking just doesn't make sense.
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Just like when you had that sweetest boyfriend who would do anything for you yet he just annoyed the hell out of you 
and you dumped him for the guy who was a total jerk

And if I am going to be frank and IMHO,
 I don't think Gwyneth Paltrow does incite much jealousy based on people's reactions from conversations I have had about her. 
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 She is an accomplished actress and makes a great quinoa salad and good on her.  I applaud her energy and ambition.


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I am sure we all have our opinions on the seeds of jealousy. 
I think a lot of jealousy is to do with something we fear and we flip it and reverse it and we project that onto someone or it is something that you think is completely unachievable and we resent someone.  

Yes, she is rich and famous and has gone out with Brad Pitt.  
But so has Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie.



They are equally as wealthy and with political and marketing clout
yet while they also have their detractors they are no way nearly as disliked as Ms Paltrow.  
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People say her Goop website and the goody two shoes and  superwoman aspect of it is patronizing.


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But Angelina Jolie is a UN Goodwill Ambassador going on human rights trips to the Congo with William Hague and people don't criticize that half as much so it can't be that either.

But ceteris parabus or like for like, 
beauty, fame and fortune are not the reason for the unpopularity of Gwyneth Paltrow.

This is hardly a scientific and statistical study but most women I know agree that the one of the least sexually threatening celebrities out there is Gwyneth.  In fact, I rarely hear from men that they lust after her in the same way they do Angelina.  So I find it so interesting that a woman who theoretically is less inclined to take your partner away from you is less popular than someone like Angelina who has a high success rate.

Society always points the metaphorical finger and accuses of  women being so bitchy!
Yeah of course we bitch
We get it off our chest and then we move on with our lives.
But men seem to wage wars or 
digest their differences with violence.
 Bitchy is better than bellicose all day long.


Via

So the next time someone accuses you of  being jealous of another woman when you express your dislike. 
I suggest you reply, "Oh bitch, puh-lease."
And when they give you a funny look, clarify and tell them you're not calling them a bitch but requesting that they do.

66 comments:

  1. It is strange the way we can 'hate' a male celebrity with no problems, but if you express your dislike of a female celebrity, then you're being a bitch. I find Angelina quite strange and unappealing, Jen's never done it for me... but you know, I don't read the gossip mags, so I'm always completely out of touch (unless it's on a headline at the supermarket checkout mag rack). I find celebrities quite boring.... but clearly I'm in the minority. Love Sulky Kittens take on them all, hysterical. xx

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    1. Heidi, I find celebrities boring too. Those mags are so dull.... Give me pretty pictures from Italian Vogue any day and the New Yorker to read.....

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    2. I love the New Yorker but no one talks about the New Yorker ;p
      I will write about Gladwell though sometime.
      No but seriously, I was just getting wound up when I saw comments on blogs and from conversations and had to get this off my chest!

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    3. I would love to hear what you have to say about Gladwell. I finally read one of his books, and now I tend to skip his New Yorker pieces.

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    4. p.s. I will talk New Yorker with you any time!

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    5. Ok Abby! Will do - Gladwell is just someone I like though he has now become a victim of his own success but still I like his flowchart of thought process. :)

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  2. I think Brad likes famous girls hehe. I am astounded by the level in which movie stars are at every level of media...but I was just so frustrated with this odd notion of women's opinions. But sulky's piece on her is hilarious for sure! Xx

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  3. This was very interesting.

    Had to think about it.

    The flip comment we had is that making anything out of quinoa is to be admired.

    The more thoughtful response is that we're pretty sure Voted in both these cases means "editors bitch session on monday after a lousy weekend, fatal carbs on Sunday, still didn't get proposed to by Him and wondering how much it costs to freeze eggs".

    And we love those editors.

    Just saying.

    *nervouslooktocamera*

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    1. No true, I don't have any experience of those sessions but we do have general conversations that are a snippet of a tide of sentiment and there is a concensus of feeling. I just wish we keep that side of the world light including the negative side of it x

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  4. Wow you've put some thought into this one! The topic of women and jealousy is interesting. I know I've always run the other way when I feel someone is competing with me or prone to jealousy. It's just not my thing and makes a friendship feel less than genuine. This may be boring or old school but I like 'being on the same team' with my closest girlfriends. Sometimes one is up and one is down but that is the balance of life too and the support means the world. It is such a trip! Back to your topic. I would love to hang out with both Jen Aniston and Gwenyth Paltrow. Jen first since she definitely seems to be a girls girl who loves both yoga and margaritas. Gwenyth puts together a great city guide on Goop, makes a mean paella, loves hanging out and drinking red wine....sounds pretty easy to me. Maybe I'm out of the loop but I don't know why the negative shift happened to her. Angelina-well...she definitely doesn't appear to be a girls girl to me. In fact, I wouldn't leave her alone with my man-but that's just me. ;) Down up jealousy-up with support and girl power!
    xx, Heather

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    1. I think competition is healthy and in fact it makes all of us up our game. But I am competitive in sports and games ( my Aussie side )when it comes to scrabble but I am not jealous I just love playing even though I always lose! But some people initially react in an odd way until that I genuinely just like to play. Men are much more forgiven when saying they love to compete. I know life isn't always about sports but even there people react differently to girls than to boys. Similar people do tend to flock together for sure but I think we should be careful in automatically raising the jealousy card is all. Life is complicated and sometimes the more we fuel this theory the more real and the more we believe thereby preventing some genuine friendships from arising with a little understanding. Yes, here is to more understanding and support xx

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  5. Thanks for this very thoughtful post. I don't get this whole "hating" of celebrities. Supposedly Anne Hathaway is really hated too, but why? Has she done anything criminally wrong? Has Gwyneth? It's a really strange phenomenon as is the whole obsession with celebrity culture.

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    1. Yes I don't get the loving nor the hating of people we don't know. Ultimately you are saying you love or hate their publicist or the movie some screenwriter wrote in their studio in some two bedroom rental in the Valley!

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  6. For me, Gwyneth sealed her fate with her Acceptance Speech when she won the Oscar in 2013 for Shakespeare in Love. It was excruciating!.. A very contemplative piece of writing with many interesting side-notes to consider. Don't you love people who 'know' everything about celebrities? As for the female jealousy thing - it's always there in the world of girls - from kindy to senior citizens .. xx

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    1. I respect your opinion but how annoying would it be if someone says it is bc your jealous. I I don't want to sound naïve about the existence of jealousy bc we have all gone through dramas but I wish women were allowed to have opinions without it being undermined by a huge tar brush of "jealousy". When someone is annoying then so be it. But sometimes I think jealousy is admiration gone wrong and with time these things can get talked over and then it dissipates into something positive. But I have heard that it occurs even in the 70's and 80's! That just boggles my mind!! xx

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  7. The fact that she is considered more hated than CHRIS BROWN, of all people, really says something. Gwyneth is harmless, really she's fine. She's neither great nor terrible. Is she snooty and ambitious? Sure. But I can deal with a little of that. I actually enjoy a little of that, if I'm being honest. I have my share of smug moments, just as well as sweet generous gourmet ones. So I guess I have a little Gwyneth in me. Don't we all? There are SO many more people worth hating - and, as you say, for reasons much more legit and serious than silly jealousy.

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    1. But yes I think Gwyneth is a girl that has that quality of being that supermum on the school run so funny enough she is actually more relatable than Jennifer Aniston and the feelings run a little more deeper?

      Exactly, these polls don't make any sense. But while we are at it, where was Hitler and Stalin on that list?

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  8. I think its the issue of famous female role models in general; at the height of fame, some reach a tipping point of where it is "do as I do and you can be wonderful too", not "do the best you can do to be as wonderful as you can be" - when they lose sight of this, they become just another media article promoting their personal agenda (whether financial or egotistical) rather then a human being that all women can relate to. And thats when the hate begins. No one likes someone who is impersonal telling them what to do, even if its good advice.

    And thats probably why in the past we didnt hear too many women complaining about Mother Teresa's dull wardrobe... ;p she had a personal message for all, and it wasnt to become a nun...

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    1. Well said GWFW. So true - we never talked about that sari with the blue trim! And yet it was so iconic...:)

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  9. I just think Gwyneth is boring. But I can really relate to her husband, who is waaay cool. I have no idea why anyone would hate here, nor can I understand why People Magazine call her the most beautiful. Seriously? And, WE are all talking about it, aren't we?

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    1. I didn't know you were a Chris Martin girl!! Yes we all talk about the bigger issues around the water cooler don't we? But I found the reactions worth talking about more than the actual subject itself. It is a part of human nature I still can't figure out.

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  10. How did I not know this? I've been so busy I'm out of the celebrity loop! I personally love G, I think she is down to earth, sassy and beautiful....but where there is admiration, there is always jealousy! And hating someone usually stems from insecurity and jealousy, in my book. How bizarre. And thanks for telling as I missed it all! X

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  11. Ps great blog! I'm a bit jealous ;)

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    1. I think jealousy is admiration gone wrong and a little chat can change it around positively again. Or maybe I have been watching too much Oprah?
      PS thanks and very funny ;)

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  12. I think it's an odd phenomenon, hating people who we don't even know.
    I think I probably hate the whole idea of celebrities and how they're constantly rammed down our throats, but I can't get interested enough to actually hate a person I've never met, listened to or been interested in.
    I do not care for those Kardashians. I am not jealous of them, but I do not think they serve any purpose.
    Gwyneth Paltrow seems rather inoffensive.....

    On the other hand, I do hate many politicians I see on debates.
    I also hate people telling me I must be jealous of people I hate ;-)

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    1. Yes I can't remember all the Kardashians names apart from Kim. I can see both sides of liking and diskliking Gwyneth but it is all semantics and I don't get worked up about her either way. But it was the reactions that were winding me up!! I dare say that politicans have about the same effect as celebrities which is pretty scary both ways!!

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    2. I hadn't read anything a bout this, but had to have a quick google, and the reactions are very bloody annoying. I can see why you got wound up!

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  13. Oh I once commented in my dramatic off the cuff manner, that I hated the type of women who carry LV bags - Jeezo a few people took this personally that I hated them, and it all kicked off behind my back, only weeks later did I find out about the upset/fighting I had caused.
    I try not to use it now, I hate having to do that.

    I love Gwynnie - I'm one of the few who want to be her.

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    1. Oh yes, I was very careful in editing this!! ;)
      That is so funny you say you want to be her bc I think it would be the other way around..!

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    2. Tabitha I find you much more interesting than Gwyneth. And better looking. IMO of course. And I'm not jealous of Gwyneth either, I just never understood her appeal. For one thing, her hair is incredibly boring! Like limp spaghetti! If I were wealthy and famous, I would have way better hair.

      ---Jill Ann

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  14. Good post. I don´t understand why people who definitely don´t know e.g Gwyneth think they do and write their opinions based on loose facts. Maybe she is not a very nice person, maybe she is the sweetest person? Only those who knows her know. xo Caroline

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    1. Yes exactly, it is funny disliking her based on a few scripted interviews!!xx

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  15. I think it's neither hatred nor jealousy. As you said, sometimes you just don't like someone. Period. The media loves using extremist words anyway, for one reason: to make an impact. And so people will talk about their headlines. Which bloggers have been doing and so we are doing now.

    I commented on another blogger's post before that Ms Paltrow is not likeable because regular women don't identify with her. Her life, as we read about, is not asprirational despite the success, because there's no human touch to it. She, as far as we know, has not gone through trials and tribulations, and survived them, which lend us a human side. An imperfect side--which is more endearing. Based on her media personality, the only trial she's had was to attempt not to bloat by eating gluten and to survive a macrobiotic diet.

    It is quite boring to be perfect. Kate Moss, I suppose would be a better candidate to be hated--40 and still falling off pavements, getting drunk and still snorting. But I've never heard of any hateful article or comment about her. The worst bit I say is she's got bad skin.

    Remember in school, the goody-two-shoes were picked on? Well society is Ms Paltrow's academy.

    Just last week, someone commented that my partner looks like Chris Martin. Do I look like Gwyneth then? Complete opposite. I eat gluten. But that's ok.

    x

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    1. I think you're right. But personally the bit I don't like is that she says ridiculous things like oh I eat burgers all the time and acts laissez-faire but is a bit dictatorial about everything privately. Or when she said oh this old thing regarding the dress she wore to the Iron Man movie premier that showed she had no underwear and she was giving too much information about bikini waxes and yet her stylist had to come out on record saying that it was planned ages ago. There is such a veneer of I don't care but there is military precision in everything she does. Kate Moss is forgiven because she genuinely seems like she doesn't care ( confirmed by her coming out of clubs drunk with eyeliner smudged on her cheeks). But I love and respect everybody's opinion of her and find it very interesting as she seems to trigger something about many various issues on being a woman. xx

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  16. This was a thoughtful post! Loved it and laughed too! I don't get the hate thing or the jealousy thing. I agree whole-heartedly that sometimes women just don't like each other, why do they have to be "jealous"? It's so stupid. And so true you'd never say that about men.
    Well written and that is one of my favourite Sulky posts too!

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    1. Thanks Dani, I do hope that people just accept people's opinions more without judging the opinion itself! Sulky's posts are always funny...;)

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  17. I think people tend to consider celebrities as people like them. Although when you are a celebrity, you are prepared to be loved or hated, not for what you are, but for what you represent in social life...
    It's a pitty some people are so jealous and mean... Just let celebs make their job :-)
    xoxo

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    1. yes I agree in drama school they should teach everyone how to handle publicity and the audience reaction more than the craft itself! xx

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  18. I really don't have an opinion on Gwyneth Paltrow - I don't 'love' her, but she doesn't annoy me either - she's just Plain Jane; nothing to like or dislike about her.

    Now you know I love the Kardashians and when I proclaim this I'm faced with all kinds of abuse, and hands up I have found myself saying those exact words - "you are just jealous of them". I think I may be saying this in jest when I do say it, but sometimes there is a little element of truth in it. I don't think you can make judgement about someone's character when you only see them on the red carpet.

    I do however make judgement on what people do, for example what they wear or how they speak, which is ignorant of me, but I will use the term 'hate' in those circumstances. I hate girls who dress provocatively just to go shopping; I hate girls whose every second word is a swear word. I guess I don't hate them as a person, I just hate what they do, but not because I'm jealous - i'm only jealous of what I can't have.

    Great post xx

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    1. I can see why people love and hate her funny enough. I agree that with some sector of the "haters" it would be because of jealousy but for the most part it has to do with something to do with a personal trigger. There is nothing bad about the Kardashians perse but what worries me is that not everyone is as easygoing and a fun fan of them and they take them so seriously and it warps their values by emulating the family. I find jealousy is such wasted energy and I learned early on that everyone has their own issues in life no matter how pictures perfect it seems and there is no point in being jealous of anyone! xx

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  19. Thank you for the kind mention! I am of course insanely, rabidly jealous of all my interviewees and desperately want to be them! What I wouldn't give for Posh's scowl or Gwyneth's weasely face, but I've just got to learn to let it go. Ha! I actually think that women are very competitive on a lot of levels but we don't like admitting it. Being bitchy is just a nice little release valve! And if it's done with humour (as a lot of bitchiness is) then why not? We can't ALL be perfect!x

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    1. You can get a shot for rabid jealousy right?
      We applaud the competitive spirit in sports and men are openly competitive about everything and they don't get hated for it. I don't think we should be so afraid of it because as normal women what is there to compete about anyway? We are not Olympians. I know most compete about weight but luckily I am a gracious loser and winning the skinny prize doesn't get you anywhere...But yes bitching is a great stress release which is why I am so relaxed! ;p x

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  20. I can't believe she's hated more than Chris Brown! I kind of always forget about Gwynnie, until there's a magazine article saying how hated she is xx

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    1. Actually you demonstrate that actually most people are blase but the media publicists do want to whip up a frenzy so at least she is talked about! But Chris Brown was number 20 fyi xx

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  21. God this is all so juvenile and makes me feel like we're back in junior high, haha! i bet no one even hates her and that the rag magazines are just out of headlines, lol. Though i do agree with you on your stance about the statement that if someone hates you it's because they're jealous. That's straight out of the mouths of the mean girls in high school that never grew up. I feel like when you have a mindset like that, you're still not a developed human being and are stuck in a superficial point of view.

    Thoughhh Gwen is notoriously snobby, haha. Check out some of her famous quotes hur: http://luckythinks91.tumblr.com/post/24615486402/10-most-annoying-gwyneth-paltrow-quotes-of-all-time

    xo Marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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    1. Thanks for the link Marlen. Actually I know plenty of people who roll their eyes at the mention of her but then again you could manage rolled eyes with any public figure! xx

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  22. Hate is a strong emotion...why HATE her? I don't get the most beautiful person accolades etc. Really without make up & good lighting she could be the woman behind you on line at Whole Foods. Life's too short for hate. She is kinda annoying, but there are many worse people out there . Don't hate her because (people say )she is ( most ) beautiful.
    Whatever....
    xo,
    k

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    1. Yep, still don't know how Stalin didn't get on the list. Gwyneth should hire his PR people for shizzle. xx

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  23. LOL so true ! Sometimes I'm just comenting about a "celebrity" (or not even that famous" and I always get the "you're jealous". Almost as often as "It's not good for your weight" when I eat something with a lot of sugar in front of people. C"mon WTF ? can I like sugar and dislike stupid women just cause they're stupid and not because they're jealous ? I always reply like "allright when you guys will understand just ANYTHING about women, maybe we can have a conversation" Thanks ^^

    Love ya !

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    1. Thanks Melo. Yes people seem to remind me that when I eat a doughnut but I got the memo that they are fattening but I lie in the bed I make :p There was a time when women weren't asked their opinions but I think now we just have to validate and heed them regardless of view! x

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  24. Always been lukewarm about Gwynny. Wanting to love her. She wrote a moving article about her dad who passed. confused about silly names Goop, Apple, Moses... Her goop categories "see, make, do" rub wrong way... maybe bc they sound like snooty commands. Lol
    Robyn

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    1. I think you're right - there is something almost psycholinguistic about those words on her website. I still want to know why Madonna doesn't like her anymore! LOL

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    2. I'm not inclined to visit Gwyneth's website anyway, but would refuse to do so on principle just because I find the name stupid. Goop, really? Puts me off it really.

      ---Jill Ann

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    3. Hi Jill Ann, I dont need to go on Goop bc it seems to make it on the Daily Mail anyway! :p

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  25. Very interesting.....unfortunately, I'm not her biggest fan either, but no need to bash the woman. To each their own:)!

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  26. I didn't even know she was voted the most hated celebrity! She even topped Brown, for Pete's sake, where did that come from?? I always found her a bit bland and sterile, never a threat and never interesting. But to hate her? Nah... I love your comparison though - why would people hate her because she's good looking but nobody hates Jenifer or Angelina!:D

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    1. Yep, and Anne Hathaway was voted second. Les Mis wasn't that bad was it?? It's all a bit crazy isn't it?

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  27. I´m trying to be objective here.
    I do know that Gwyneth P. is an actress. Is she a good one - don´t know, nor do I care. Is she a beauty? Pretty, normal looking ( whatever that might mean ) probably, but then that´s just my opinion.
    The rest of the names mentioned, are some sort of celebrities too. Each country has it´s own, and to tell the truth, I´m not even interested in them.
    But - living in the media world, it´s difficult to be totally unaware / avoid of the celebrity sites.
    However, reaching the stage of being a celeb, the person is free prey. This is the price she / he has to pay for it.
    Some people even get obsessed of the fame. Some people even get obsessed following the " doings " of the celebrity.

    I know that " love " and " hate " are used in the English language of about just anything.
    How is it possible to " love " or " hate " e.g. a bag????
    In Finland we use much " milder " words - I might like a bag, or I might dislike it.

    Can´t help it, but when someone says she loves my whatever, I feel bothered.

    Anyways, thanks for an interesting post. Interesting to read the emotional comments too.

    Jealousy. We are all jealous of something. Even me. I am somewhat jealous of the fact that my husband´s work takes so much of his time. But, after 39 years of marriage, well, I guess I´m used to it ; ).

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    1. Yes in English the words hate and love are so strong and yet we use them for everything! I think I like the Finnish approach. I think we also need a word other than jealous and envious as those words aren't nuanced enough either. I looked up the word jealousy and didn't really hit the mark - like the word love - it either was too strong or too weak!

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  28. I don't get it either. I quite like Gwynnie.
    But perhaps it is a bit of the holier than thou thing. Ange has a bit of an edge,and Jen Aniston is a notch less gorgeous than these two. That's my initial hypothesis.

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    1. Yes of course the question used to be team angie or team aniston but there is definitely a new triangle!

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  29. I didn't even know she was voted the most hated celeb!
    Hate is a strong emotion...why hate her?
    I think that the media loves using extremist words anyway, only to make an impact!!!

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    1. Yes it was pretty big news over here and in the states! But you are right - they are headline grabbers!

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  30. So true, so true. I don't have an issue with Gwyneth, and quite admire her for sticking to her guns on some things. But yeah - people sure love to hate her and I have no idea why!

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    1. I would love to learn the real scientific reasons behind us liking and disliking something because the reasons are so varied!

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