Thursday 14 November 2013

Shhh...It's Victoria's Secret

Today was the annual Victoria Secret's Fashion Show 2013!

It has now become a marketer's dream and 
the hype around this event is one of
 a funkier and more musical version of Miss Universe.

Miss Angel who forgot to wax the back of her neck, back 
and her ankles.

I am sure most teenage boys would view this differently but 
I couldn't help but mind read the following...

I am going to kill my agent.
 I finally get the Victoria Secret gig  
but instead I look I am dressed with the hand me downs of a 
Rastafarian and a clown.


 I hate this outfit and I don't know if even my underwear hanging out and my pout is going to distract anyone.
But some blogger out there will copy this outfit and 
I will get some extra publicity out of this.

 I haven't eaten in days so have no energy but 
I found my own way to elbow out my competition.

So I starved for two weeks and went to boot camp for one month and then they put this friggin' smiley face on my toned honed abs??




I am not an airhead.
I am complicated.
I have so many emoticons feelings.


 I am not mentally vacant. 
 Can't you see I am thinking musically?

Not only does butter not melt in my mouth but 
snowflakes don't melt on my body.

I have this mink hat and cuffs on but I don't know why 
I am still so cold...

Now this is just me thinking.


Marigolds with lingerie?
Seriously Victoria's Secret?
Whoever styled the Victoria's Secret show forgot to make
 these two barefoot and pregnant while they were at it...
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69 comments:

  1. Unknown14 November 2013 at 21:20

    LOL - you made me chuckle. I bet they're thinking "I can't wait to spend the phat cheque I will receive at the end of this 2 hour show!"

    xx
    Hey...... I appear to have missed a post, going to read it now!

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda14 November 2013 at 23:36

      They all genuinely looked miserable! Normally they are so happy. Mind you I lie emoticon girl had several happy faces to prove it xx

      Delete
  2. Heidi14 November 2013 at 21:48

    Hilarious!! Love your commentary. If only you were doing live commentary, Eurovision style.
    What ridiculous outfits - the 80's inspired ones are particularly awful. They distract from the underwear (although maybe that is the point?) xx

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda14 November 2013 at 23:38

      Heidi if it were live there would have been a lot of - what the?? But even the underwear was so ordinary... Am surprised bending or marks and spencer get on the bandwagon and do a show like V S. worst show yet! Xx

      Delete
    2. Heidi15 November 2013 at 02:18

      was just relooking at the photos, and can you imagine if you appeared in your bedroom dressed like the woman in the mink cuffs etc? My husband would probably keel over in shock! It would certainly scare the bejeezus out of the kids if they were to see me in that getup - they'd think the Snow Queen had arrived to take them prisoner in her ice castle.

      Delete
    3. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 07:48

      Scary thing is teenage girls will learn what is supposedly sexy from this. Next time they try and seduce someone as you say imagine walking into the bedroom with a rappers torn pants a mink hat and some pouting emoticons with marigolds? I must be lslowly losing the pulse on the zeitgeist...

      Delete
  3. WendyMcLeodMacKnight14 November 2013 at 23:39

    CSW: Let's plan our own for 2014! I will parade down the runway in granny panties, the heating pad I am using today for my bad back and red lipstick. That is all. I don't care if they see Laverne and Shirley - the will be down around my knees anyhoo...

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda14 November 2013 at 23:42

      Hilarious!! But can I get the emoticon outfit and have scowling faces on them?? Plus my hot water bottle strapped to my stomach!!

      Delete
    2. Blue Booby15 November 2013 at 01:53

      I will be in my housecoat.

      Delete
    3. ruth15 November 2013 at 03:01

      And I will wear my hole-y winter sweats with a sports bra!
      This post had me giggling away!

      Delete
    4. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 07:45

      Parallel show 2014 girls? I stand my ground being emoticon girl!

      Delete
    5. Curator15 November 2013 at 09:41

      My trusty iron clad sports bra and boot socks are enough to get anyone running for the hills. But just to make sure, I'll put on my helmet as well.

      Did you notice, one of the poor wee lambs is being held up by a balloon!

      Delete
    6. Sulky Kitten15 November 2013 at 12:28

      And I'll wear my Minnie Mouse fleecy bottoms with my old thermal vest. My wings will be wire coat hangers covered with an old flannelette sheet.

      Delete
    7. Lane15 November 2013 at 13:17

      I want the calendar.

      Delete
    8. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:33

      Just so you know everything written here is legally binding! I expect some great pics.

      Delete
    9. Curator15 November 2013 at 16:48

      Photographer, location, hair and makeup, and a really bad stylist booked!

      Now, who shall we get as the fluffer?

      Delete
    10. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 17:11

      Curator - you need to also start blogging at least sporadically again!

      Delete
    11. Anonymous15 November 2013 at 17:18

      I'll second that! Does anyone know how to set up a forum, I wonder if we could do a wee mini magazine or something for fun?

      Delete
    12. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 17:20

      Tabs... Such a great idea!

      Whether you like it or not - you are genius.

      I'm totally in - if no one knows how to then I will figure it out if that means you might weave a bit of your magic! Also I think you might know a few bloggers who might like to contribute...

      Delete
    13. Curator15 November 2013 at 18:57

      I'm in if you want to set something up.
      Would be a real hoot !

      Delete
    14. Anonymous15 November 2013 at 19:18

      Righty, I'm going to do a thank you post on Monday ( I know, what bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die - B & P and every other woman on the planet) and ask if anyone knows how to do this, my computer knowledge is at OAP level.

      Delete
    15. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 19:26

      Sounds like a fun plan guys! Have a lovely weekend x

      Delete
    16. tiffany rose16 November 2013 at 04:26

      Wendy, a delayed reaction ... just figured out who Laverne and Shirley are and nearly choked.

      Delete
  4. Faux Fuchsia14 November 2013 at 23:48

    Laugh out loud funny.

    The world has quite clearly, gone Mad.

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda14 November 2013 at 23:49

      Wonder what the emoticons for that would look like? ;)

      Delete
  5. Lane15 November 2013 at 00:23

    I just ate dinner so it's paining me to laugh this hard, but thanks, I needed that.

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  6. About Last Weekend15 November 2013 at 00:34

    Hilarious! A much needed chortle in my day. What's disturbing about this parade as so much of it is clearly being marketed to young teens with all the smiley faces etc. I do wear Vics because of the all the good pulleys and levers and padding and whatty notty though - they are ace.

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 07:52

      They are double the price here! But the team at VS must have changed bc this theme was soo odd!

      Delete
  7. Dawna15 November 2013 at 06:42

    Lol! .. Marigolds and lingerie.. keeping it real!
    Love this post, and if i'm honest.. some of the gear :)

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 07:52

      But please don't buy the emoticon head carnival headgear ok? :)

      Delete
  8. Anonymous15 November 2013 at 09:00

    Do I detect a touch of Miley Cyrus-ness in all this?

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 10:14

      I am surprised they didn't get her to serenade to the girls instead of Taylor swift!

      Delete
  9. Curator15 November 2013 at 09:33

    Dear god, I must be getting old. Is this what we're all supposed to be vapidly wondering around in now?

    Don't think my husband would be interested in me sporting any of those concoctions. Not even the half plucked chicken look. If I'm not pinny clad and serving 'Le Dîner', it wouldn't even raise a Gallic shrug.

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 10:14

      The times, they are a a changing!

      I really do wonder where evolution is headed...

      Delete
    2. Curator15 November 2013 at 10:48

      Have you ever seen the film Idiocracy?
      I'd say we're pretty much there already.

      Delete
    3. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 11:52

      Dang Curator, my list is growing! Must watch over boxing dy!

      Delete
  10. Anonymous15 November 2013 at 11:19

    Phew some of them are really super skinny.
    Curator, what? You don't do the washing up in your undies and Marigolds?

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 11:54

      Even for VS these girls got skinnier,meven Adriana Lima is skinnier than ever. Maybe I need to be like a ironncurtil east German simmer and ingest testosterone to get that slimline build!

      Delete
    2. Curator15 November 2013 at 12:05

      Tabbers, I do make a point of only wear my pinny when filling up the dishwasher on the maids night off!

      CSW, consider first that they're starving their brains, as well as their bodies!

      Delete
    3. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:34

      Oh I have been thin and it wasn't what it was cracked up to be!

      Delete
  11. DaniBP15 November 2013 at 12:05

    Holy Mackerel! These are some ugly get-ups, what the heck? Loving your voice over, somehow you made it less painful!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:35

      Hmmm, mackerel....they forgot to put on a mackerel fascinator alongside all those other weird head ornaments!

      Delete
  12. Sulky Kitten15 November 2013 at 12:31

    You know I'm just sad that my favourite Miranda Kerr didn't make the cut this year. Please spare a thought for her pain....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15 November 2013 at 13:12

      She was the lucky one!

      Delete
    2. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:36

      Sulky - you have completely outed her and scuppered her chance to mince about to ensnare her second husband!! Meow.

      Delete
  13. Housewife in Heels15 November 2013 at 13:38

    Thanks for the laugh, now off to source the garments for look 3 x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:36

      Yes - there a few open months in next year's calendar so you can recreate that look! x

      Delete
  14. Louise @ INGREDIENTS15 November 2013 at 14:28

    Yikes!! Talk about pandering to the lowest common denominator and making the ugliest outfits possible to get attention. Your commentary is hilarious!

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 14:37

      Who on earth is the stylist? I need to google them and put them on a shame website or something!

      Delete
  15. Sultan15 November 2013 at 18:19

    The likable thing about these shows is the pure intellectualism!

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 19:27

      Oh Laoch - I would love to know your true thoughts! :)

      Delete
    2. Sultan15 November 2013 at 20:23

      I believe in freedom, even if the end product is not filled with élan. So while I do not find this show to have any panache, I think it is fine, generally.

      Delete
    3. Coulda shoulda woulda15 November 2013 at 20:38

      fair dues - i am just surprised that a brand with an enviable marketing and styling budget only came up with this...There have been some great fun shows in the past dare I say!

      Delete
  16. tiffany rose16 November 2013 at 04:16

    For some odd reason, the show is reminiscent of J.Crew's recent sweater line. Is this where creative direction has headed?

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    1. Coulda shoulda woulda16 November 2013 at 11:43

      I think there s an element of the emperors clothes and people are just getting lazy!

      Delete
  17. Share my Garden16 November 2013 at 15:59

    If there's going to be a fight-back bloggers underwear catwalk please can I wear a vest?

    ReplyDelete
  18. mette16 November 2013 at 16:03

    Seriously, was there anything " normal " shown?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Coulda shoulda woulda17 November 2013 at 08:23

      Are you telling me you don't wear a smiley face on your stomach??

      Delete
  19. Carol16 November 2013 at 18:54

    Hilarious stuff !!

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  20. Beautifulosophy17 November 2013 at 18:33

    Victoria Secret always deliver! xo Caroline
    Ps, I´ve changed blog name and address.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Gloria18 November 2013 at 11:29

    This article is so funny! VS angels must have so much pression to be perfect for this runaway!!!
    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  22. Coulda shoulda woulda18 November 2013 at 17:15

    @Caroline, like the new name x

    @Gloria yes they are unde all sorts of pressure and looking good was made a little harder due to one odd outfits! X

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  23. SlapdashMama19 November 2013 at 07:10

    HAHAHAHAHA! So funny. Oh god.

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  24. Peet19 November 2013 at 13:38

    :D You know I've been thinking the same thing - who styles this show??? Some of the combinations are just crazy ugly and just crazy... And I agree, those models work their asses off and don't eat or whatever and then they cover them up with something atrocious. Why the f*ck would they do that???

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  25. Coulda shoulda woulda19 November 2013 at 14:50

    @slapdashmama it was comical!

    @Peet I must get the name of the "stylists" because I want to know who to stay away from!!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous11 December 2013 at 11:05

    Funniest BLOG evaaa...!! Mm M

    ReplyDelete

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