Monday, 11 November 2013

Blogging treatise, crisis, and suggestions

I was going to post something else today but 
I feel rather deflated and am feeling a bit flat.

I just experienced my second blogging casualty.

Before I started blogging myself, one of my favorite blogs Decorno stopped without any warning at all.

She was the one blog I faithfully followed before I found the bloggers who I read now.
 I didn't understand how blogs worked so I didn't know clicking on the profile might lead to a blog or highlighted words were linked else where etc.  
Total blogging ding dong I was.

Half the enjoyment I get from blogging has been discovering so many blogs I didn't know existed!

I have enjoyed "meeting" so many people I would not have otherwise met.

As we get older, most people do fall into a routine and naturally fall back onto their own rhythm.

I love being able to go and visit, chat with people, and learn little tidbits about all sorts of subjects from all over the world without ever having to get in a cab in traffic to socialize.

There have been times even before and now still where I question myself blogging.

Via


Even after I started and my stats were nil, I still plodded on as I found writing things down so therapeutic a la the artist's way.  


Via
I still find it fun and is a rewarding hobby.  
But there are times when I am conflicted and do hesitate hitting that publish button. It isn't I am afraid people won't like me.  
I think most of us know we can't please everyone.

Mainly, it is for fear I might offend someone or somebody might misinterpret my sense of humour.  A lot of jest is accompanied by facial gesture or understanding the context of a person's relationship with a subject that add or negate to humour.  
May I just say now that I would never intentionally try to hurt anyone! 
I can be a bitch but just not in that way...

It was also a personal challenge to intertwine my split personality of introverted tendencies that is offset by extroverted roots through blogging.


Via
I am still trying to reconcile and balance my bipolar outgoing and at times shy personality.

So I could empathize yet it was such a jolt to me when one of my favourite bloggers of Bourbon and Pearls announced her retirement.

Via BourbonandPearlsblogspot.com

She is someone who could be considered the Scottish modern day Dorothy Parker as she could etymologically ponder about something as mundane as toothpaste and make it riveting.

Via
I had an interweb hissy fit.

I felt as if Tabitha, the writer of Bourbon and Pearls was breaking up with me and the rest of us.  
Basically she said, It's not you, it's me...  
She has promised to visit but in the moment I was so sad.

I will have you know that I have been dumped twice in my life.
First time was by a nice Jewish boy who said he could never marry a half Korean, half Australian agnostic inclined lapsed Catholic. 
He now is unfaithfully and unhappily married to a fellow Jewish girl according to rumours.

The second person to have dared dumped me is my current husband.

Both have suffered terribly from their actions...;P

So while this won't be a legally binding agreement in any court of law may I please request to all the bloggers I follow that if you ever do decide to stop writing to please give us all at least a month warning to get used to the idea?

I do know that a lot of us follow a few overlapping blogs but as there is a huge weekly gap to fill due to Tabitha's departure, I would love to know any blogs or websites you read that you may not have on your blogroll or just assume that the rest of us know?  
I love to read and I think most of you do too so it would be great
 if you shared any links.

I wish Tabitha all the best and will miss her musings and hope for her eventual comeback however sporadic if she chooses.
While I am at it, I want to not only thank her for her past bons mots but also all the other bloggers whom I do so enjoy.

78 comments:

  1. Fingers and toes crossed she'll give it another whirl after a break!

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  2. I have that same introvert/extrovert personality. I was shocked and saddened to see Tabs quit. I totally understand her reasons, but it still feels like a hole has been left. You state so beautifully, my own feelings about some blogs. It's like visiting old friends. I adore your humor and feel sorry for the two losers who dumped you :-/. Tabs is an original and irreplaceable. Now I'm sad all over again.

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    1. It is a hard balance isn't it? In life that combo might confuse people too...It also made me realize how "used" to we get to reading posts from various bloggers which is something I didn't really realize until yesterday!

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  3. I am stunned by Tabitha's announcement too...
    It saddens me and I will miss her voice.
    Going to check in on you more frequently though.
    Getting dumped has got to shake you up a bit...lout it does make you stronger and more resilient as a result.

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    1. Yes things like that always shakes one up even in the cyber world doesn't it? I have not "known" her as long as you have but still. Thanks for coming by Hostess!

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  4. It takes time to find a nice bunch of friends in blogging life or real life. What types of blogs do you like reading? I can point you in the direction of Africa, Wales, Yorkshire, New Zealand, France, US or Australia. Where would you like to go?

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    1. Yes very true that. I love reading all sorts actually - I follow soo many blogs and not all by GFC but by email bloglovin etc. But actually come to think of it I think I only follow one South African blog - have you got a few names?

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    2. Here you are ~ Two very different blogs ~ Hippo on the Lawn ~ a crazy expat Brit who is stuck in Angola ~ Hippo is a very good writer and tells a great story guaranteed ~ some of his adventures remind me of an Indiana Jones ~ http://hippo-on-the-lawn.blogspot.com.au/
      The other is Memorable Meanders ~ Jo is a South African expat living in Tanzania, very lightweight compared to Hippos but still interesting because she takes lots of photos and blogs a lot about the people around her ~ a very different life to what I know or could conceive. Hope you find something that takes your fancy.

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    3. Second link ~ http://memorablemeanders.blogspot.com.au/

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    4. Love it - thanks so much Carol! i wouldn't have known how to find such if I tried...

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  5. Oh how sad & dumped I would feel if you gave up your blog Naomi! Stay with me! I have a suggestion Local Milk….

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    1. Thanks for the suggestion! Will check it out for sure. And you better not go anyway x

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  6. What I really hate is when bloggers you've enjoyed just stop blogging/delete their blog without any explanation at all. I think Tabitha will dip her toes back in the blogging scene again when she has had a little break and I hope she does. I think part of the problem is that most bloggers feel they should be blogging as frequently as possible (except for those lazy bitches, like me!) And this, coupled with all the commenting on other blogs is a huge time suck - especially when you've been doing it for a number of years. It can start to feel like a burden and a chore rather than an enjoyable, creative pursuit. So, why did your Mr dump you?? How did you get back together? x

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    1. Well you nearly gave me a fright as well once!! Yes I can see that phenomenon. Commenting is a funny one - I have always been in front of the computer anyway so for me it's no big deal but sometimes I wonder if I am imposing by commenting if that makes any sense? As if I am initiating a conversation with someone who may not want me there? ( My introvert side) But I blab away most times anyway ( extrovert side)

      Yes Mr CSW did dump me but only lasted a week before conceding we were back together officially one month later and as vengeance I married him. His reasons were faux chivalrous - he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to get married to anyone so he didn't want to "waste my time"! xx

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    2. "and as vengeance I married him" love it! -Robyn

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  7. Interweb hissy fit! My husband dumped me too before our "first wedding" I pushed him out the front door, might have pummelled him too, mum threatened to hire a hit man - she's not a forgiving woman.
    Well you had better keep writing, I have where to go now!

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    1. Oh yes I did and if your forum wasn't so public I would have channelled my asian tiger mother and nagged you like my namesake Jewish grandmother!

      But funny enough I have a link where you could go - bourbonandpearls.blogspot.com/ you can take a little break / next year on a full moon or an eclipse might be a good time to continue /no pressure but how about a lazy unedited we won't mind the typos every new moon.com?

      otherwise you dont know it yet but i will just be like a guerrilla journalist in the comment section like those reporters on the E network and be like -

      so Tabitha? what did you think of all the oscar dresses in 150 words or more?

      xx

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    2. We'll always have Pinterest, I am worded out!

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    3. that and instagram perhaps? I think you will like it - they let you "pin" stuff without having to write anything at all!

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    4. I really want to try captionless instagram posts...

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    5. i don't think i have seen any captionless ones but it is a good testing ground for blogging in the future - as Jennifer said from a well styled life - she says she feels like it is mini blogging where as i feel like it is a mini facebook!

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  8. Im just getting into blogs yours is the only one I follow! but I only read on my smartphone which makes it hard to type more than a few words. I try to avoid computer or else I get sucked in for hours. -robyn

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    1. Oh blogs are so much fun and less motivated than the mags for sure - they have their own vibe and i feel like i am getting good honest reviews as they aren't sponsored for the most part! Still waiting for you to start yours Robyn - ps check out my blogger profile and blogroll - honestly something for everyone x

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    2. I used to follow a bunch via feedburner id get them in email. Then it drove me crazy the posts were too frequent and or one note. Maybe I will blog one day! ;) Robyn

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  9. I was also very sorry to read Tabitha's last post, but she has been hinting at it for a while now. I hope she will return someday - her blog is tops on my reading list and I will miss her very much.

    I started my blog nearly 4 (!!) years ago and it is tough work to keep it going. There are many days when I have felt like packing it in. Evolving it away from the classic blogging model and moving towards writing more journalistic-style articles has helped me keep at it. I lead a pretty quiet life in a dull neighbourhood, so I don't have that much material for constant blog posts!

    I wanted to take the opportunity to send you a big thank you for your blog - so interesting, funny and informative!! I really enjoy it - and hope you give us a heads up if you ever plan on retiring it!

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    1. So you knew her for a long time as well! Gosh I don't know how I would have taken it as I only found her in January and still it feels odd. Yes it is work but a good discipline ( for me). I could empathize with wavering but I think it is important to pace yourself dont you think? You have so much knowledge that it would be crazy to quit! I think not pressuring yourself is important but please don't stop as I love learning things from you. Thanks for your kind words Louise! x

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  10. I promise I won't delete my blog without lots of notice, in fact I have no plans to bin it just now. I've actually been to the brink and back with it a few times, I've had lots of criticism to contend with from "real-life" friends but funny it has toughened me up, I couldn't care less what people think now. That's been a good thing for me. I am a "sociable Introvert", (got that one from Lane), I tire easily in social situations but my blog friends are so fun and intelligent, we can have a chat over a cup of tea or glass of wine and the different perspectives are so inspiring.
    Your blog is one of my favourites, don't ever stop! I've been blogging for 4.5 years, I knew Tabs before she started her blog! As long as she hangs around I'll be okay but I'll have a big big meltdown otherwise!
    Oh and is Mercury Retrograde over because I feel much much better today.

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    1. Yes, I used to hang around in Dani's comment section, wishing I could be her!

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    2. Wow you knew her before - that is so cool - perhaps that deserves a post? :)
      But yes please just keep chugging along if you don't mind.

      Funny enough I have also learned so much through blogging not only from other blogs but reactions to my blog in real life which has also toughened me up. It has been a bit of a roller coaster and I didn't think it would be that complex and yet equally so simple.

      Also I think pacing oneself is so important so if you are ever at a brink a nice rest must work wonders and make you itch to come back right? Funny the psychological profile of bloggers must be sociable introverts!

      Just on a technical side note while we are at it - MR technically is longer than what the charts state one week either way. Mercury slows down one week before it starts going back on its orbit and the 10th was when it stopped its reverse orbit and is only just starting to propel forward back to normal like an oil tanker so I think it's in the stars that Tabs' decision won't be permanent..! ;)

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    3. Yes I also envy Dani's figure Tabs...

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    4. I have needed to toughen up since I was 7, I just don't know how to, I spend half my life feeling wounded.

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    5. Tabs - only boxers knuckles need to be tough. If one isn't naturally tough then it just breaks. It's physics. Makes me upset to hear that, I must send you an amulet and a smudge stick.
      ( I just read what I wrote and I am proper mad at times... A vestige of olden days. Harry Potter was not fiction for me as you can tell!)

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  11. aaaw that's sad. I've just read her 'leaving' post. How lovely that you have developed such a strong virtual connection with Tabitha, such that you felt compelled to write a post about her retirement. It was interesting reading the reasons for her sharp exit, I'm presuming it's usually the other way round.

    I've seen her blog and mine doesn't come close in any respect so I hope you find another blog to fill the void soon, and somehow stay in touch with Tabitha. She should feel euphoric right now with all the well wishes and pleas to stay; your persistence to persuade her to keep writing made me chuckle x

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    1. I think just as we all write for various reasons I suppose one's reason for a break is also so varied...
      yes and imagine if i were to really let loose!
      She has such a unique voice that you don't even get in paid publications so it is quite a loss.

      But you better not get any ideas Colleen - you were one of the first people i "met" and your kindness and sweet nature is something i am very grateful for! xx

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  12. Love this post Naomi and you know I love you and Tabs to death! I have worn my heart on my sleeve since I came out of the womb and am always looking for a warm spot to curl up in....Blogging does make you feel vulnerable sometimes, but it is also such a joy. I often feel like I have my whole arms out to the world and those who come in get nothing but love, love, love.

    I write better than I speak. I sometimes say stupid things in real life and I have a tendency towards hyperbole, both good and bad...

    I use the blog as you do, as my equivalent of the morning pages and it has served me well.

    You are such a treat to read and so funny, I do hope you hang in there!!!! Tabs will be back, if not in the blog world, well, I am already writing her into my third book..

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    1. Wendy you are too cute, I rarely say stuff like this as I have lived here too long and have always been the doubting Thomas but you really are like the sweet little girl in that pic you showed us the other day! Love your open spirit and it is so refreshing.

      Yes writing stuff down is definitely therapeutic isn't it? I am glad that hopefully there is no worry you will quit and even when you do it will only be due to you having to go one your world book tours :) I can't wait to read that third book now Wendy!!

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  13. I can relate, It's sad when that happens.. A blog I used to follow.. probably my first.. deleted .. blogs no more. felt a sense of loss at that

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    1. Isn't it odd though how used to certain blogs we get and becomes part of our routine?

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  14. Sometimes we can only sing in the sunshine for a short while. I do think that people sometimes make pronouncements that they really don;t want to keep. So these days I say "until we meet again," instead of "farewell."

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    1. yes I also do prefer a bientot instead of adieu...

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  15. I hear you sweets.
    I feel like I can talk with the blogosphere better than my friends in real life, sometimes.
    Lol re the Jewish boyfriend!! Been there xx
    I've met some blogging peeps and felt like I was meeting a long lost family member, or old friend.

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    1. It is funny how much one learns over time isn't it?? I also can look at certain outfits and think that it would suit someone and another would love it etc...It is an aspect I never knew about before!

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  16. i love your posts and your comments so!
    I find I read my readers blogs, as I want to reciprocate, and get to know them, but outwith I have about 4 that definitely do not follow me that I check in on...Cup of Jo just hits the spot for me and always has. I feel like she is a friend (sad i know as she has no idea I exist!!) And the oddest of all is catalinasu who takes terrible pictures and loves herself so much its ridiculous.but somehow she draws me in.
    Anway I have said tooooo much as usual.
    I sometimes feel like jacking it in, but it is therapeutic, and I love my fellow bloggers xx

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    1. I will check out cup of jo and the other one who is harder to type out - I have a few of those blogs as well that just suck me in with absolutely no logiv whatsoever!! You have not said too much at all - don't be silly! And don't quit - it's also something you can show your little one when she gets older xx

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  17. Tabitha's blogging shoes will be hard to fill....
    I can understand the need to stop, though. I struggle with finding the time to think and write interesting posts, let alone comment and read all the other blogs I love. I feel as if I need a blogging doppelganger most days.
    Naomi, please don't stop your blog too!

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    1. For sure! But you are so busy with a family and career plus your other interests that I do wonder how most people find the time...But I am actually thinking that commenting on blogs can be a task for some people as sometimes I also like to just read as one doesn't always comment on every article on the newspaper so am considering turning off comments on some posts just to take away from the visceral urge/need to comment. But I think one should just chat because in real life one just interacts without trying to be interesting right? But don't get any ideas from Tabs and you keep going!

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  18. I feel sad too. But I also understand. I'm not an introvert, at all, but I find some aspects of blogging challenging. Somehow putting things in writing has more weight than if you were to chat in real life. I feel the pressure of that - when I'm writing a post I often just write about something that pops into my head half way through the blog post, and it then has weight because I've highlighted that thing, rather than other things in my life (does that make sense?). I don't like to make people feel envious, so posts about clothes tend to make me feel uneasy. But I like to chat about fashion, so I still do it. I've had my share of criticism, but I think that the friendships I've made through blogging have been more enriching overall. While my husband refers with suspicion to my "Internet Friends", and was convinced that Faux Fuchsia and Romy and Pamela were in cahoots to bring me to a grisly end in Melbourne when we finally met up last month, I loved meeting them, and love reading their blogs and talking in real life and finding out more about their lives... because in the end a blog is just a snapshot of someone and their life, but I think that often people reading (who maybe don't blog themselves) don't understand that. xx

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    1. Yes Heidi! I am still just commenting with no filter then sometimes I worry that it came out all wrong. Imagine being a politician and having to deal with our sound bites! But putting things down in writing seems like it almost has legal weight! Criticism for something that is a natural by product of ones circumstance is hard. I find it still hard to balance sharing without conveying the wrong message. Like you say a blog is just a prism of ones life. I feel like I would get more upset if the criticism wasn't actually pertaining to me but their misplaced notion. Does that make sense??

      But yes it must have been so fun and unusual to physically meet people who you know aspects of. Sooo funny what Mr AV said though!! But I am so glad that you didn't let criticism get in the way and you continued through those little hurdles. And I agree that I have found making new friends very enriching too. Xx

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  19. Hi Naomi, I think it's so sweet that you've devoted a whole post to Tabitha here! I'm disappointed too, but I totally understand her reasons. I'm a commenter only and I so appreciate all the bloggers that I read - especially the tight little circle that includes you, Dani, Wendy and all the other people who comment. Like you said above, it's so interesting to get to know these people and learn stuff about them and even have an idea what they might do in a certain situation. I always love to see a new post pop up!

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    1. You are so switched on as you have a profile but you say you don't blg! Wish I had your know how back then. Well I was shocked even tho she did leave a few hints in others comments sections but I just thought nothing of it. But then it made me realise how used to her and other bloggers I had become and I was worried as I don't want this to happen again. Then I reflected on those times when I thought what's the point etc and pondered on her reasons...so it was a very introspective morning today and a sort of a wake up call!

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  20. OH I AM SAD! I love Tabitha. BOO!

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  21. I didn't have time to get to know Tabitha but I, too, am sad when bloggers I follow stop writing. One of my favourites suddenly announced she would be having a 'tea break' and didn't know when she would be back....she returned after a couple of months and everyone was delighted. I have only been blogging for a year and I haven't run out of ideas yet; in fact, I have far too many for the time I have available. I love posting, I love learning about everyone, and I love comments, commenting and asking far too many questions.....but there may come a time when it becomes all too much for me and I will have to stop! Fair warning will be given when and if that happens. As to what's the point; try http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transactive_memory and how we are all getting smarter and better thanks to our internet connections http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/09/13/clive-thompson-smarter-than-you-think/ Also, blogs, yours included, give me portals to worlds that are totally impossible for me to access in real life; so I sit in my little place and intelligent, talented bloggie people fill my head space with wonder. YAY!

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    1. You should go through her archives as she has a way with words that I just know you will appreciate!

      That would have driven me mad if she went for a tea break for that long...

      It is good to hear that you have energy and plenty of stimulus. You seem to naturally have a backlog of knowledge which I think must be just milling in your head so it is good to let it out :)

      Thanks for the links - will look forward to reading them.

      But yes the internet used well is just an amazing portal to real life Narnia!

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  22. Wah...I know...so, sad. There is going to be a deep, dark void. Lovely tribute, CSW! And Tabitha...are you really going to take the blog down so we can't go back and reminisce? I am really just finding my way around the blogosphere so can't really recommend any new ones to you. I've read a handful wonderful blogs for a while, not making many comments...but now have a little more time on my hands for new discoveries...such as yourself!

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    1. I hope she keeps it up so even I can go through the archives properly - i am trying to but I have so many other things to do argh! Yes the blogosphere is a fun parallel universe to discover and I hope you find your little corners of it that you like :)

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  23. Such distinctive voices, Tabs and others, are a joy to read and respond to. MLane teases, "are you talking to your electrons?" But we all perceive much more than that in certain blogs, the sensibility shines through. I have no interest in strict shopping blogs unless I need information. Yours and others are much more,CSW.

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    1. Very true - all distinctive for sure. That is hilarious re electrons and yet funnily enough add a few more protons and neutrons and there we are! Lane, perhaps you should also join in??? There is plenty of room you know...

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  24. CSW, how about you start a petition to get ol' Tabbers back?
    There'd be a few of us to sign it for sure.
    Come on, chivvy the old girl out!

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    1. That is so funny you say that because that was my initial reaction!!

      I was thinking we give her a rest and a xmas and in jan when the star alignment is just right and the UK experience that gray endless game of thrones winter feeling and she is back from a hols - we do one? I think I can get a few signatures and so could you if we all coral together? Without over stepping the mark I would even subscribe and pay!

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    2. Lets get lets get her down here and have a bit of a pre Chrimbo cocktail or four at The Fumoir.
      Who's in?

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    3. Don't you hate touchscreen predictive wot nots...not so easy when your fingers are cold!

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    4. chrimbo cocktails sounds better although i hate people and things in general who think they know me better than myself.

      going to sound like a valley girl but i am, like, totally in!

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  25. I will really miss Tabitha's blog too, I have learned so much from her and the others in the blogging circle. Even Hubs would ask, what did Bourbon and Pearls write about today? He was disappointed to hear she won't be writing anymore! I hope she will do some guest posts. My blogging has been fairly infrequent over the past few months but I write when I am inspired. There shouldn't be any pressure to write.

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    1. You are right I don't want her to feel any pressure - well sorta.;P

      No but in all seriousness you can't write if you don't want to but I think what is scaring all of us is that she wants to delete and have a no turning back at all which is the real blow.

      I think most agree we would be happy with any scraps she chooses to hand out once a month or once a season even but none of us like the finality of it...

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  26. Do you know of xojane hipstercrite nightmares and boners?

    P.S.: I wanna know how they suffered.:)

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  27. I am probably of no help because I do not blog enough! I live writing and enjoy reading blogs and given a subject I can quite easily write at any time, it's just finding that subject.

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    1. Yes finding a subject can be hard but then like a conversation i think sometimes subjects almost find themselves naturally. But you could just let us know about your day as you did your holidays?

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  28. Had I known we were sitting Shiva for Bourbon and Pearls here I'd have shown up sooner:).

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    1. @LPC I hope we can count on you if we get a petition around? :)

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  29. I think we might have to get clever. What if we all sign up to request GUEST POSTS from her? Then she has technically quite blogging but we still get to read her genius!

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    1. Gosh you are clever. You must be very good at chess!

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