Thursday, 22 August 2013

Madonna, can I have a quick word?

It's actually all my fault...
Serves me right for reading the Daily Mail website 
but it is called daily for a reason.

Madonna, I was going to ignore all your photo opportunities of late like Dominique Strauss Kahn's ex-wife ignored all his sexcapades.
But like a woman who doesn't leave a spouse because of an extracurricular liaison but for leaving a dirty sock a few inches of the laundry hamper, I can't handle it anymore.

No, not your grill but mine.
That's right Madonna, you have managed to get up in my grill.


I know that famous people hate being people's role models blah blah blah but get over it. You are, whether you like it or not, actively involved in processing images that the rest of us hoi polloi refer to and mentally file under our own  private pinterest in our pysches. 

When you wore or unwore that shocking outfit in your concerts in Miami, I said nothing. Did nothing.  
I can out bitch many a bitter ageing queen but for old time's sake I didn't even dream of posting on Facebook and putting a scathing comment about you for old time's sake.

In fact, those pics are so bad I dare not reprint them but for those who don't know what I am talking about, click here.

I was minding my own business today and you did it again.
Once again, damn you and damn me for reading the daily mail...
Via
 You were the first woman that I had never met that I looked up to.
You are the reason that I look like crap in most of my teenage photos because I did the teased rainbow-esque fringe with black rubber bands up to my elbows.  
I did that for you Madonna.

I freaked out my parents by singing Like a Virgin out loud and got severely questioned about the source of the lyrics. 
For you.


But I can not handle you looking like a rich, bloated, bulimic teenager on a reality show anymore damn it.

I am conflicted.  I feel hurt and almost mad at you.
Is it because you are reminding me of my own fleeting journey from youth into the purgatory zone of middle age?
Is this projection?
Perhaps...

But no, you can do better. 
Don't whine and say that you are getting older and 
don't have the same pulling power as a young'un.
Look at Elle 
Via 
look at Sharon Stone,
Via
 who are similar in age to you.
They still look great and turn heads not 
purely due to fame but beauty.  
This is embarrassing already.

I understand, I would duck as well Lourdes. 
Her last photo shoot Via
I have even heard that an early demise for a beauty is a mixed blessing as it was for Marilyn Monroe who shall always be remembered as she was at her untimely death.

Now don't get me wrong,  I wish you a long, happy, healthy life but please don't make me resent you.

Via
Make use of your amazing figure and go ask Giambattista Valli to make you a few outfits.  
Via
Or even Karl - he loves a muse.
Ok, so maybe not that kind of a muse.
But this kind.
Via

Even someone like Ines gets a little help.
Or if you want to get some headlines in because you are a practical woman, go and do a fashion line with John Galliano or something.
Imagine the press you would get with that collaboration!

I can see you thinking,
"Hmmm, how will get I into the papers next week??"
Now whatever you are thinking Madonna, stop it!

48 comments:

  1. Hahahaha...love it! Great post! Saw her photos this morning and I couldn't take it. Her teeth look like they're rotting. Of course, everyone is welcome to wear and accessorise whatever they want, but save us poor souls from visual torture. I understand there are some cultures where grills or grill-type dental decorations are even indicative of social rank, but she's not from that culture or tradition. She's just riding on a young person's trend. In fact, she and Rihanna are both late to catch up coz Ryan Lochte the Olympic swimmer was amongst the first ones to wear grills I think a year ago (and for that, his hotness was fanned slightly). I'd lock her up if she were my mother!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This just makes me so sad...She was brilliant in so many ways. So savvy but even her mindset seems stuck in the 80's. It is hard to shock anymore as it is...Even Rihanna hardly gets a little headline when she shows her bum! But Ryan Lochte looks better with grills than she does! xx

      Delete
  2. Brilliant!

    Blimey, she's getting embarrassing now. She was definitely a role model for me too but she just can't move on from being the shocking young star that she once was. As you say, there are ways to grow old and still retain your hotness. x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes she was getting embarrassing for a while now but I kept shtum bc she was my idol but I can't ignore it any longer! She has a great body and I wish she would let her beauty shine through!! x

      Delete
  3. I think she needs to add about 15 lbs, she's sooo ropey, it's gross. And the grille? She's not a 16 year old inner city black boy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just don't know where to begin. I am sure she doesn't want to be an ambassador for women over 50 but she could do so much...She has access to everything. I just wish she would accept who she is and stop acting like studio 54 is still open...

      Delete
  4. I am mad at Madonna, too. I loved, loved, loved her at a certain point. I thought she might have the guts to age gracefully to "stick it" to those who always played it safe and were afraid to age. Nope. She is just another Housewife from Beverly Hills to me now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right - she is so RH. She could be so glamorous and have had her second wind so to speak. I would love to see her wearing a chic outfit. I think she needs to be reminded a sparkling smile doesn't involve diamonds...

      Delete
  5. I agree! She just doesn't look to me like she's learned anything in all this time. And that, that ability to know a little better, is what makes getting older fun! She's trying to relate the wrong crowd, I think. The teenagers don't want her anymore but she could have US old folks all wrapped around her little finger. Shaking my head's all I can do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right - she could easily be a living legend right now!

      Delete
  6. Ugh! Just nasty. It's sad to see a woman so desperately trying to hold onto her youth when she's lost all semblance of reality. It's time for her to retire from public life and start getting her pride back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The video is horrendous. She's just looking pathetic now. Again...ugh!

      Delete
    2. It's just sad isn't it? She needs an intervention. Or she needs a therapist so someone can tell her the truth!

      Delete
  7. Oh dear... these photos made me cringe. I was a huge fan of Madonna when I was growing up, but I honestly haven't paid much attention to her in the past 10 years or so. I agree, she needs to evolve - the black lingerie and fishnets are 20 years past their due date!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the black lingerie and fishnets would be okay if she just wore it better and perhaps the teeth grills don't match it!

      Delete
  8. First time I hear of golden grills on anyone. IMO, anything Madonna has done and is going to do , is fine with me.
    After all, publicity is her business and she can to do it in any which way she fancies.
    But, what really got me horrified, is this online Daily Mail. Such horrible articles ( can one even call them articles ) in it!
    I quit reading such newspapers long ago and recommend it to everyone else too.
    Life is cruel, horrible things happen. I´m not trying to hide my head in the bush, but I do think that reading too much of the horrible stuff does influence you.
    Btw., I feel the same way, if all I get to see, read is packed in soft cotton and flowers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mette, my name is Naomi and I read the Daily Mail daily. ( there needs to be a daily mail anonymous group...);)

      Delete
  9. So funny! But, alas, so true! She isn't the woman she used to be and I don't know what the hell she's trying to say with this 'look'. Have you noticed that her face is actually now furrier than mine? Maybe I'm just jealous! Meow!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop it you are giving furry faces a bad name! I don't feel like stroking her face...

      Delete
  10. Maybe pimples next to get that "youthful" look really going!
    Oy Vey!!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep pimples are the new sign of youth! hehe xx

      Delete
  11. This was so nasty and terrible. I cannot believe that outfit. Why would she ever do it? Truly she is locked in that persona and can't see herself another way anymore. She needs therapy and people around her to tell it like it is!! Disgusting!!
    Thanks for sharing Naomi and no wonder you didn't put the photos on your blog. Gross.

    It's sad she could do so much to empower women and make herself a model to others her age. Most of us have enough sense not to want look so desperate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think if she restyled herself she would get more and better press - she could do sooo much. Those pics really were sad I couldn't bear it. I hope she remodels herself very soon!

      Delete
  12. Don't be hatin' on Madge! She can't help herself! I thought her grill was funny, actually, that seems like exactly something she would wear for a laugh. I'm way past the point of emulating her but it's always entertaining to see her outrageous get-ups and always interesting to read the reaction to those get-ups. I think we can all agree: Don't try this look at home! Did you see her at the various premieres of "W/E" however? Quite ladylike, dramatic, and elegant. She can pull off that look when she wants! I forgive her anything, her music has meant that much to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Jill, I let so much go for old time's sake and my patience has disappeared. Some of it is funny but there are very few people in on the joke. I just hope she revamps soon - fingers crossed!! She can pull off most looks and that is why I hope she goes for elegant!

      Delete
  13. These are the first pictures I have seen of Madonna for quite a while and the first one is certainly not at all flattering. I must agree that Sharon Stone looks absolutely stunning - natural looking make up too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sharon Stone definitely has the youth gene for sure!!!

      Delete
  14. So funny! No no no...stop it...the camel toe and the grill...it hurts my eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a funny article! I also used to sing Like a Virgin in my shower, making my parents mad at me for the whole day :-)
    xoxo darling!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Gloria - let's hope some she starts looking like a virgin again! hehe xx

      Delete
  16. Ohhhhh my!!! Being the daughter of a dentist I had to look twice. I thought perhaps she had gotten golden braces!!! LOL!!
    Great post!
    xx, Heather @ Stylemindchic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would it be considered great dentist work? ;) xx

      Delete
  17. Goodness me! I can see why people would be 'frustrated' by this. It's almost as though she has forgotten she is a legend and really doesn't need to keep reinventing herself anymore. Madge calm down and leave this to Miley Cyrus. Mid life crisis maybe? Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes but she seems to be having a rather long midlife crisis - i don't begrudge a crisis but i just feel sad for some reason! xx

      Delete
  18. I didn't understand that shit either.. what the hell ?
    I mean, she's famous and rich... she can "help nature" but this ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think she thinks that there are other rules for the R&F but unfortunately the law of physics apply to all no?

      Delete
  19. Oh dear. I think she's going senile.

    She lost me when she went on the David Letterman show many, many years ago and told everyone to wee in the shower as it was good for athletes foot.

    I fear that she'll feel Lourdes is competition at some point. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She has lost it and I think she already is competing..! X

      Delete
  20. I loved her in the movie Desperately seeking Susan. I can also understand that she meant a lot to her fans as she charged through her life knocking over barriers, exploring new frontiers. Now her erstwhile fans are sorry for her, annoyed with her or, even worse, finding her tedious...

    I think the problem is her desire to clutch onto every passing phase to establish her credentials. She doesn't need to do this. Rise above it Madonna.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly she paved so much and yet one step forward two steps back it seems...I wish she would anon!

      Delete
  21. I loved her in the movie Desperately seeking Susan. I can also understand that she meant a lot to her fans as she charged through her life knocking over barriers, exploring new frontiers. Now her erstwhile fans are sorry for her, annoyed with her or, even worse, finding her tedious...

    I think the problem is her desire to clutch onto every passing phase to establish her credentials. She doesn't need to do this. Rise above it Madonna.



    ReplyDelete

Thank you for dropping by!