Monday, 3 November 2014

Snow Ski Bunny Stereotypes according to French Vogue

It's soon to be ski season for us in the Northern hemisphere.
And the latest issue of French Vogue did an editorial on extreme winter clothing with the pretext of being at a ski resort.

Is it me or are all the fashion editors channeling Game of Thrones in their features?

The funny thing about skiing especially in most European ski resorts is the that there are many "types". ( as with any life activity)

The snow version of the Playboy reader - 
I don't care about the apres-ski and 
I really do come here for the skiing type.

The - crap, I gotta go get the kids from the ski school now so I can't go to the pre dinner drinks at an acquaintance's chalet because I legally had to give my nanny a holiday type.

The - I am going to pretend I just bumped into the hedge fund guy I met in Geneva last week/architect I met in Paris last month and freeze my butt off here stalking my targets all day type.

The - I am going to conspicuously pose for my selfies with no shame whatsoever type. 
Not only are all her Instagram followers going to know she is in Gstaad but the whole resort must notice her too type.

The teenager who hates family vacations no matter how
 nice they are and just wants be with her boyfriend 
who is back home in England but doesn't realize 
she will forget all about him when she meets some cute Italian boys doing their military service in the mountains type.

The - I will do whatever it takes to snare a man and I grew up in Siberia anyway so this is actually mild weather type.

The I bought Chanel skis and what use is it to ski on them and whiz past you because then you won't know I have them type.


The I like to cross train and hike down mountains every other day because I find skiing can bulk up my legs type.

The I am so hard I climb up the mountains and yes it still does count even though my Gurkha/butlers are carrying my skis, bag of lemons and deckchair set up for the high altitude tan behind me.

The I am looking down at you in so many ways type.

The I am so glad I did bootcamp pilates for months
before this trip but muscle memory kicks on and
I just want to bust a few squats because I had cheese last night type.

The - forget skiing because have you tried the Russian prison regime diet? It's all about being cold because it raises your metabolism and you only eat cabbage soup once a day and march in the snow on an empty stomach serious body disorder type.

Please note the pictures are from the latest issue of French Vogue but interpretations are my own!

48 comments:

  1. The Siberian man snarer is the top banana!

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  2. Lol. The Russian prison regime diet! This was really funny. Now I find myself making up captions for fashion mag photos. Great post.

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    1. @badinage she makes me realize the cold air keeps skin toned! @ connive the prison diet apparently really works hehe

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  3. You nailed this. I love the people watching at ski resorts as much as skiing. I always marvel how some still pull out 40 year old ski outfits (seriously) and others are over the top with their labels, etc. Here in California Squaw Valley is a bit showy and I prefer the lowly spots like Homewood where people ski in jeans and a sweater. We may have another year with no skiing though with all the climate change. I'd love to ski in Europe one day. Love French Vogue! It's always fantasy filled. Lol.

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  4. Is it just me, or does the pilates/cheese nibbling bird look like she has ginormous wonky tits.
    The Chanel skis are such a joke.

    Darrrrrrhlings...Anyone for Heli?

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  5. hahaha! This is seriously so funny and I might not have got all the jokes if I wasn't living in Switzerland and understand all the snobby snow references hehe. Hilarious and I don't ski or snowboard yet, lol, but I've been up to the mountains a couple times and can definitely relate to see many different types. Great post!

    xoDale

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    1. Yes each country has their own special set that makes après ski so fun @kim. @sijeveux I think her chicken fillets moved about @dale I am glad we. Can laugh along together!

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  6. Everything is game of thrones! I like your Bon mots much better!

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  7. The only skiers we see around these parts...and that would be North Carolina...is the "boy, you're gonna hurt tomorrow". Hunter got this years ago while standing in line, covered in snow. No ski clothes...jeans and a hoodie.

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    1. Wish I would write non mots Wendy! @blue booby I find the jeans snd hoody type are amazing or beginner skiers!

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  8. Hahaha - dying laughing!! Loved the Siberian and pilates muscle memory ones the best!! I do think game of Thrones has been a big influence in fashion. For good and some very bad!!
    On a more serious note I find Australian ski resorts quite interesting - there is a great divide in the fashion. You get the Euro skiing types who only wear white and black and then you get the Asian/ US ski resort fashion with the crazy colours and lots of plaid and very snowboarding influenced. I am somewhere in the middle (I like to wear colour so that I won't blend in and get taken out by an out of control snowboarder, but can't bear to wear plaid)

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    1. I once wore a white suit but it annoyed a lot of people. I loved to ski but now resent having to pay money to be cold!

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  9. Great post! I was chuckling all along but the last one really cracked me up (the Russian prison regime diet)! Well, at least they're not all blondes (no offence intended for any blondes - natural or dyed), or is it all the same person? I can't tell, they all look alike to me! :-) Emily

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    1. P.S. The real test is . . . can they do black runs with high moguls? A few shoots of the falls and revenue from hospital ads and from designer orthopedic casts can be huge! Just joking . . . hope no one gets injured doing these shoots because the equipment is heavy, etc. :-) Emily

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    2. I never liked moguls bc bad for the knees!' But it is indeed the supermodel kloss

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    3. It's interesting that these are the types that sell magazines and other products! People aspire to be like them because they are associated with being successful. So sad! :-( Emily

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  10. I don't care for skiing. I don't like the idea of hurtling down a hill. But each to their own.

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    1. Good fresh air but I don't like being cold anymore

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  11. So funny! �� muscle memory lol! Robyn

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    1. Bet even in Cali you get girls doing squats waiting for their chai?

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  12. These reviews are my favorite ones! Thank you for adding some fun and good humour to my day!!!

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  13. Oh dear, oh dear, too funny. I can't imagine anything like this being seen on NZ ski slopes, or off them.

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  14. Delicious!!! The Russian prison diet sounds soooo interesting da'ling!

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    1. @silksnnthreades every ski culture has their types but na is saved bc I don't know enough nuances! @stephanie the Russian prison diet will soon be replaced by another :)

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  15. The one thing that is always a constant in these types of shoots is that the clothes are always more interesting looking than those wearing them. I guess that's what French Vogue ad buyers want but feel clothes are enhanced by having an interesting looking woman wearing them.

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  16. I did love your commentary Naomi !

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    1. Thanks GSL but I do find each editor has their preferred models. I am not partial to Kloss but ironically it makes me notice the outfits bc I am not busy admiring her beauty perse but it's also why famous people make bad models bc you end up just looking at them

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  17. You are so good at this!

    As you know, I live in switzerland, but that scene is very much not my life - strange sometimes to remind myself that people are coming here expressly to be those types!

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    1. I am not good but just look around and truth is better than fiction most times. I know Switzerland has many facets and people totally forget the Heston collider geek crowd :)

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  18. Hysterical commentary! Love GoT. Can't wait for next series! Pammie

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    1. It's an ad hoc thing P but glad you shared a chuckle x

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  19. the women in these photos are so skinny I'm surprised they can stand up in the snow. Love your "types"!!

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  20. Thank you for this, I love your takes on skiing. And of course on life.

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  21. Thank you for the best laugh all day !! Oh my...the Siberian "I'll do anything to snare a man"....ROFL! I find skiing here in Oz can be quite pretentious because it's so expensive...it seems to be a common sport in my industry - people typically head to North America or Europe though because apparently Aussie snow is crap :) I wouldn't know because mountains and my fear of heights don't mix...I did have a darling Canadian ski instructor allow me to hold onto his poles as he pulled me down the mountain...crying because I was so scared! Was only 14 years old lol - first and last time "skiing"!

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    1. Thanks @mary and @wellfedfred

      @Anne - always good to hear someone had a laugh! I went skiing 20 years ago in oz so the types may not be relevant but the problem with Buller was the wind! a killer.

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  22. A ski trip is on my bucket list. I've never been, but I hear of other people's adventures in the European ski resorts. I can assure you I wouldn't be thinking about fashion as I'm sure I'd spend most of my time on my back/ass ( on the ski slopes I mean)....... X

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  23. I love it! Good to know I'm not the only one with an alternative take on ski chic.

    SSG xxx

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  24. This is so funny, it made me laugh out-loud and yes, I have met a version of all these types.

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  25. Ha! I do like that blue fluffy coat even though it's a bit OTT for our local ski hills.

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    1. Glad you got a laugh :) @Jen L @SSG @AP @Colleen

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  26. Hilarious! Is this from the November 2014 issue of French Vogue? I was just looking for it in the bookstore (to no avail). Will you cover the December issue too? The jewelry they do is just so over the top, I love every bit of it, American Vogue never does it like that. I would definitely take the white and cream ensemble and you would find me parked at the bar for the apres-ski portion of skiing events, as I don't ski, don't know how (but would like to learn). Somehow I don't think French Vogue is going to cover the gigantic helmet I would want to have on my head in case I should fall. Ha. XO, Jill

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    1. yes it is from the November issue - just to let you know that I tend to pin images from the issue even if I don't review it on pinterest if you are interested? But I am sure could pull off a helmet Jill with your style x

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  27. So LOVED your witty commentary! What a clever gal you are!
    You so knocked it right out of the park.
    Please do more of this...I thought I was the only one who flipped
    through Vogue saying this kind of stuff.

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    1. Thanks so much but not clever just writing as I see 'em ;) Isn't it heartwarming to know that you aren't the only one who thinks some stuff just doesn't seem right!

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